The only child syndrome can be a daunting term to new parents trying to raise well rounded children. There are many reasons parents may elect to only having one child. Be it health reasons, financial limitations, or merely timing, having only one child can loom worrisome questions to a parent of how that child will grow up as an adult.
While the “only child syndrome” is not a scientific term, it promotions the idea that a child raised in a household without other siblings are more often than not perceived to grow up as spoiled, self-centered, dependent, narcissistic, and antisocial adults.
However, the reality is, only children reap more positive outcomes then perceived. Many researchers have debunked the notion that only children are excessively spoiled per the 1986 findings of Dr. Toni Falbo, a psychologist at The University of Texas at Austin. This belief was recently confirmed in a 2018 study in which Andreas Klocke and Sven Stadtmüller from the Frankfurt University of Applied Sciences agreed there is no difference in the outcome of single children vs children with siblings.
In fact, it is ascertained that not only do “solo children” show no difference in adulthood as those who have grown up with siblings they seemingly just have stronger bonds with their parents.
But how do you ensure the perceptions of the “only child syndrome” doesn’t hinder the growth of your child?
Here is the most important fact folks… Parenting.
Evidently, parenting is the key to raising socially adjusted children!
Surely, finding a balance between raising only one child and maintaining a normal social life for the child is paramount to raising respectful kind children.
As I reel from the fact that my only child just turned 21 this month, I know well how parenting can take the front seat to your goals. But it can also push you beyond your wildest threshold.
A little back story on my parenthood, is that I had my daughter in high school. As a teen parent, I raised a beautiful young woman. She played an intricate part in who I became as an adult and a resilient parent. My daughter has stood witness through many highs and lows but they have only served as the framework to hard work and poise.
My parents knew they’d achieved perfection, therefore they only needed one.
I had the incredible honor to raise such a well-rounded kid. Her adjustment to being the only child has been incredible. She is currently a senior at Dickinson College and just a soft gently soul inside and out (most days).
Her witty, loving personality has shown me good parenting can rear children to kind humans. She has truly found her foothold as young adult and I’m proud of the woman she has become.
We try as parents to be the all to our children but we must learn ways to help them build their own friendships and comfort zones without being over baring or over consumed. My daughter would adamantly disagree that I was able to achieve this ….but hey.
But how do we truly steer our children in this direction?
There are a few things that has been productive in my rearing my daughter.
Some things I held true to as a parent was really investing in my child’s personal growth. Be it looking into the right schools that will challenge her but not disrupt her personality. Or, pushing her to try new things.
Parenting Tip In Raising Children With “Only Child Syndrome”:
Invest in their education, cant afford it? Look into scholarship based programs those that are income based. I always leverage any resources in my community. Definitely, you’re thinking that can be expensive, but it doesn’t have to be. Even so, don’t be afraid of raising a child without siblings. Focus more on how to pour into them as their parent.
No matter where you live or your economic status do what you can to push them to do things that are outside their norm or comfort zone. Sign them up for any program that will allow them to meet their peers. This includes soccer, dance, cheer, debate, chess, football, swim. They will absolutely build on those positive traits that all children learn through their activities.
Furthermore, be active in their activities, bake cookies, be a team mom, bring Gatorade or waters to the games. Just be present and play an active role!
The bad parent:
Sadly, you will need to play the bad cop! As difficult as this is – stay strong! Try not to give them everything they desire and have structured time. Limit their time watching TV, and on their ipads/iphone. – I didn’t allow any TV during the week. Sounds extreme?! The the reality was that many nights there was no time after extracurricular activities, homework, dinner, and bath time.
Set a bedtime and stick to it. This will allow them to learn how to manage their time as the only child. They will cherish their moments with their parents and toys.
Having a routine is important for us all including only children, especially those avoiding perceived negative affects of the “only child syndrome”.
So while “the only child syndrome” is thrown around so casually, find solace in the fact there is no difference in children that are raised with siblings. What ultimately determine how the only children grow up is how their parent navigate them in their childhood.
Lastly, if we plan for them to grow up as caring humans we must show them the needs of others and allow them to see beyond themselves. We must truly help them find their niche very early on and support them in all their dreams.
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