Grief, loss, and fear has weighed heavy on me since the recent events in my life. The last few weeks has been the most emotionally draining time for me personally and spiritually. The recent passing of my dad has really opened my eyes to how preciously short life is. I have really assessed my here and now. What’s important to me? What people and things I cherish or hold on to without understanding. Seeing death truly make you question life even more. You question what past experiences, current circumstances, and future legacy you’ll leave behind.
In my dad’s case, he faced many challenges. Challenges that contributed to not being the father or provider he would have liked. The relationship between my dad and I was different, it was loving but also enfeeble by his challenges. In hindsight, I wish I had more empathy and patience to this regard. Despite all things, he was present and that was enough to know, love, and cherish him as my father and how he contributed to my life.
All things considered, I still struggle to find a balance with our relationship. A healthy balance during his presence and even more in his death.
You were loved
Wishing to have said more, or did more, is something I will live with. But, I know our moments we shared was important for us both and shape who I am. During a season of gratitude, I am so thankful to have had my father’s presence in my life. Hearing his eulogy and the remarks of all that loved him give me great comfort in who he was and what he left behind for us all.
May there be comfort in knowing someone so special will never be forgotten.
Julie Herbert
While I’m not the best with dealing with my emotions and I find death incredibly hard to process. This death was so close that it forced me to confront and deal with it head on. It forced me to process the feelings that I was feeling publicly. Something that is cringe-worth even writing this. I understand everyone grieve differently and the loss of a parent can make that grief that more difficult.
Traditionally, I am not a person who ask for help or speak openly on my personal affairs unless I feel unequivocally comfortable and safe with you. I’m a so private with my personal life that I honestly don’t know where to start, so, in turn I shut out people in general.
Grief Is Love Not Wanting To Let Go
I try to make it no big ordeal. However, through my dad’s death I have learned those who are actionable in my life, those who know me so well that they don’t allow me to close others out during a time I need the comfort of others the most.
I am so thankful to those I have in my life. All the people that knew to be present, but also to give me time to grieve. I am extremely thankful to my family my sisters, and cousins who just show up and provide such an unconditional love that is hard to define.
But I am also well aware that many may not have love ones or friends to console them in there time of need. And in that I hope they reach out to a professional counselor/therapist to talk through their emotions. Or read some literature or books on grief and loss to seek clarification.
Resoures:
U.S Department of Health & Human Services
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