How we deal with conflict in a relationship can strongly influence how we view our self-worth in that relationship and those in the future.

I must say during this social distancing, I have had a lot of time to assess my current and past relationships; and it has me thinking about how I handle conflict within relationships.

I know it sounds ridiculous to say but during a jog I had an “ah ha” moment. While the interpretation of it, is still in the translation phase, it forced me to face how effective my methods are.

How I deal with conflict and how that behavior effects my next relationship and my views of my own self-worth is embarrassing. I can think of countless situations where instead of dealing with a situation head on I run from the problem. Yes literally run away, block, ghost, silent treatment the shit to death; literally until the situation is a dead point. In fact until its no longer a relationship at all.

In my previous relationships, I have dissolved them 90% of the time by running away. I know, its juvenile and I will admit I am not proud of it but it’s true. It definitely leads to unresolved feelings and doubting myself in the situation and not necessarily fully understanding the root cause.

Facing the ugly truth about conflict/insecurities.

If I had to rationalize why this happens, I flee from a situation that can further hurt me emotionally. Instead of dealing with my direct feelings or disappointments, I make a grand gesture to ignore the problem. Does it make the reason I felt the need to run wrong, absolutely not! Just the manner in which I decided to address the issues and/or concerns.

I know many of the reasons I have conflict in my relationships are based on my own insecurities. The jealously, the requirement of an unhealthy amount of attention within my relationship, and the need to be in control to avoid hurt. And while I know I haven’t address all my insecurities, acknowledging them and being aware of how they affect my relationships will help me find better means to address them in the moment.

I’m sure I missed out on having healthier relationships. Those that could have flourished, but I can only hope this time has allowed me to understand myself better and truly how to move past situationships. https://www.mytruthlieshere.com/getting-over-your-ex-how-to-move-on-from-your-past-relationship/ Being single has helped me discover who I am, what I like, and what I want in a partner.

So this week I created two very important list:

A list of what I want in a relationship ; and
A list of things I need to change to be a better partner

Surprisingly my “must have” list is pretty short. I’m easy to please! The things I need to change on the other hand, are a little more extensive and complicated.

If only we could have transparent conversations with our ex’s. Conversations without resentment, anger or embarrassment to discuss challenges that provoked the downfall of the relationship. I’m sure we would see some similarities. Unequivocally, providing a more direct path to what we need to work on to become a better person in a relationship. I think they call that the silver bullet.

Nonetheless, I encourage you to put in the work. Take a self-assessment of what has led you to stay in relationships longer than you should, why you settle for, or why you behave in a particular manner. Discover your love language.https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/

I’m sure you will start to develop a list of things you can change and find the courage to change those things moving forward.

This past week I vowed to embrace all things I personally battle with; my imperfections and quirkiness. And I discovered I am enough!