23andMe: Repairing The Void Of A Mother

As we honor black heritage during the month of February it seems only right to share my incredible 23andme experience. To be able to vulnerably share and honor my heritage, by sharing the strength and plight of my family’s story is empowering. I hope this will inspire someone else to be courageous enough to find the answers they are seeking.

Meeting My 70 Year Aunt Who Never Met Her Mom

My true identity is layered with such a complex diversity, it brings me that much more pride in my lineage; and all that make me this beautiful black woman.

Its important to share that my grandmother a “mixed” but predominately white woman, sought refuge from New York (NY) to the Washington DC area. She sought safety from what we were told for years was due to her fear of her then “husband” who allegedly had mob ties.

I know it all sounds like a soap opera but its true, its what we have been told for years. In this flee to gain her safety, she left behind her children. Ultimately thinking of their safety and stability. She was young but still selfless in attempting to give her children the life they deserved through adoption. This is something that never changed with my grandmother it was who she was to the core! Selfless! This level of strength is unmeasurable.

Fast forward to four children later and countless grand and great-grands there was always an unspoken acknowledgement to her children she had not communicated with. Ones during those times of one too many cups of brandy’s would resurface.

Is 23andme Worth the Hype?

My eldest uncle Steve(rest his soul), knew more and in hindsight I wish I asked him more questions. He had travel to New York with my grandmother on countless times and just knew more about her life there. But I am forever grateful for what pieces of the puzzle I knew to track down her children.

In my work as a social worker, I was able to locate one. An aunt who is disable and non verbal but whom I am trying to have a better relationship with. She is actually who my business Atwater is named after in homage of my grandmother.

A Leap of Faith…. Trusting 23andMe

But it was not until my daughter was gifted a 23andMe kit for her birthday from a friend that i was able to find the oldest daughter of my grandmother. (Later I purchased my own see results below)

I could remember logging into her account and sending my “believe to be “ aunt countless messages

“Hi, I’m Desiree and I think your mother was my grandmother” Hi I have pictures if you would like to see them. She looks a world like you. “Hi just checking in, here is my number if you want to chat” Her profile discussed briefly being adopted and not knowing her mother.

In the dead of COVID, teleworking like the rest of the world I received a call. I answer and it was silence. “helloooo” she very quietly said hiii. I’m JoAnne. I was like yes, however can I help you. She said you reached out to me on 23andme. I just stared crying.

No One Is Sent By Accident to Anyone

I was so excited. I started to tell her everything I knew about her. Well, what had at least been passed down to me from my mom. It was an out of body experience. I truly cant tell you exactly what I said because I was rambling. Getting as much information out to her so she could see we were related. It was overwhelming to her. She was crying, I was crying it was a great moment. I said my mother, your sister would love to talk to you is it ok to share your information- she was completely in.

I got off the phone called my mother, sisters and daughter and told them the great news.

We spent hours talking about it. Creating group chats to include her and planning for the visit.

They lived in Buffalo, the last known place in NY my grandmother lived before coming to Washington D.C.

Within months we were all chatting, my aunt Jo, my cousins Gigi, Niki, and Savanna. We were sharing family pictures and stories. I’m so thankful to have met her and cant wait to build more memories together. The stories and similarities to her life in comparison were so eerie. In July, she came to visit. My uncle and mother had finally met their sister. It was incredible to be apart of this unification. A start to building a relationship with our family. Something my grandmother was unable to successful do(even through her attempts) while living.

The thought that we were always connected even unknowingly was so mind blowing. The stories we shared were priceless.

Here are some pictures from that first visit to Washington, DC.

We spent the entire weekend playing games, telling stories, swimming, cooking together, going to brunch, and even a cigar lounge. My auntie can roll. She enjoys life and 70 years old and FINE! Check out other things to do in DC here.

This connection mean so much to me. Being a part of uniting my aunt with her blood family is so incredible. If your are considering getting 23andme I’ll say do it now! I can only hope that this start to a new family connection have giving my aunt answers to who her mother was and how she was always in her thoughts.

To see the complete break down of my DNA summary click here